O death where is thy sting? Why is this happening to me of all people? What should I do? Should I eat it? Which one should I eat, the ice cream or the chicken?   I was starting to hyperventilate and felt beads of cold sweat forming on my furrowed yet cute forehead. Then I thought “what would be the advice of my trusted patients, those members of ‘Woodrow Nation’? What would they say? They wouldn't steer me wrong.” Sure enough the answers came back to me straight and true ...HAVE BOTH!   “But wait” I said.  “How will eating these help me keep this magnificently chiseled Greek god physique of mine?”   (Why are you laughing?)  The answer once again came back, ‘Well it won’t!’ So I gathered my strength and girded my loins (by-the-way for those of you who never had your loins girded once the initial pain subsides it can be really quite pleasant). I resolved to take action.  I arose from my desk and went outside into the cool night air where I could think clearly. I took a big breath and then proceeded to… chain myself to the veranda railing. 

The next morning on her routine tour of the front yard to find the morning paper my wife chanced upon my still convulsing body. With compassion and understanding that can only come from 25 years of marriage she said “You know the neighbours are starting to talk.”  She bent down cradled my limp body holding me securely against her own. As she gently caressed my forehead she said softly “Why do you do this? I don’t understand. Why do you buy the ice cream when you know this is going to happen?” I was going to answer that it wasn’t I who bought it but my evil twin brother Horace, but I used that excuse last week with the cherry turnovers. I gazed up at her with that seal pup look that I had perfected in the early years of our marriage to garnish pity “because it was on sale 2 for 1.  I’d have to be an idiot not to.” She let go of my head letting it crash onto the pavement, picked up her paper and walked into the house.

Alright this last bit I admit isn’t true. I lied. Actually we’ve been married only 23 years. Okay, okay the chained -to –the- veranda thing, I also made up. But the rest is true. What I ultimately did was go back inside and write this story. It got me thinking and distracted me enough to calm my craving and dissuade me from eating the ice cream. I also realized that I was tired and that I had better go to bed which I did.

As well, I incorporated in this story a number of concepts we speak about in our regular office visits, e.g. chain of events, directional questions, problem solving, excuse finding, self-sabotage and several more topics which we will review together.

All the best and put down those cheezies.